I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
