Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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