I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
