I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
