I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
