I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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