He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i will never coherently bang her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
