I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I am midnight drunk by noon
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Come on in and take your pants off
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