i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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