the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
