we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
