Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
pray to the hookup gods
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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