it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
