even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
