fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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