I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
