hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
