dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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