yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
