you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
