ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
