this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
