no, he came in my armpit
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
