the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
