Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I CAN MOONWALK!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
