My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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