be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
