is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
