So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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