whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
