guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
