So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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