First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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