Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
