My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
