i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
