oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
