It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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