I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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