What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
