okay pat passed out under dana's car
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
