My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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