Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
