Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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