I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
