I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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