Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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