hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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