GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
