Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
