i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
