We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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