I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
